Jewish Humor

JewTee Blog Purim Edition

Shalom Y’All:

As I hope you know, Purim begins on the eve of March 4 and ends nightfall March 5. On Purim we celebrate our salvation through Queen Esther from the edict Haman prepared to annihilate all the Jews in the Persian empire.

On Purim Jews listen to the Megillah at night and the following morning, give Shalach Monos- gifts of food and/or drink to family and friends- charity to the poor  and eat a big meal in the late afternoon. In the carnival spirit of the day, kids, and often adults, dress in costumes and liquid refreshment of all kinds is imbibed.

In the topsy -turvey spirit of the day, I bring you the latest “news”:

Obama Netanyahu Friends At Last

Let’s Be Friends, Make Amends, Now’s the Time To Say I’m Sorry.

In a bombshell announcement today, President Obama and Prime Minister Netanyahu have agreed to bury the hatchet, become friends and learn from one another. President Obama will teach PM Netanyahu how to shoot basketballs into baskets while PM Netanyahu will teach President Obama how to shoot sunflower seed husks from the mouth into a bowl.


 

Sunny Days Ahead

Jew Are Refugees

In a shocking reversal of long-standing policy, the newly appointed Secretary General of the United Nations, Ban Ki Sun, has declared that all Jews living outside of Israel are refugees and has pledged 3 billion dollars to their resettlement in Israel. Consequently, UNWRA will be disbanded and a new agency, UNIRA (United Nations Israel Resettlement Agency) will be established.

Mr. Sun reached for comment at his residence in New York, explained that since all Jews once lived in Israel, any Jew not living there now is a refugee. Furthermore, he explained, since the borders of ancient Israel encompass much more land than the current state, Jews will be free to live anywhere within the ancient borders of the Jewish state. Arabs who wish to continue living there may do so if they agree to be “dhimiis.” (Druze Arabs and the families of Bedouin, Muslim and Christian Arabs who have served in the Israeli army will enjoy full rights.) Arabs who are unhappy with this turn of events will be free to move to any of the 22 Arab countries in the Middle East.

Reached for comment after this bombshell announcement, former West Coast Bank President Atbat said, “Oh well, we gave it a good shot. I’ve always wanted to ‘paint the town red’ in Tel Aviv and now I’ll have my chance.”

Hummus leaders in Graze City also seemed resigned to the new state of affairs. They explained that they had been offered a lucrative financial opportunity to turn their rockets into drones to be used to deliver packages from e-commerce companies to residents of the Jewish state and to turn their tunnels into underground shopping malls. The entire Graze Strip will become a vacation playland with separate beaches for men and women, and rocket building and tunnel digging activities for kids.

 

Green Is Better Than Red

Green Is Better Than Red

As to their enmity of the Jewish State, Hummus head Khabead Mashup said, “While I was having a good smoke on my Hookah, it came to me. We’ve tried to fight them. That didn’t work. It just gave us tons of rubble to clean up and many funerals to attend. So now, we may as well join them and get our hands on some real money.  When we feel like fighting and getting our own state, we’ll just attack one of the 22 Arab countries who did so little to help us.”

 


 

Beauty Is In The Eyes Of The Beholder

Beauty Is In The Eyes of  The Beholder

Hussle Realhoney, Iran’s Leader, shocked the world today by announcing it was renouncing  the manufacture of nuclear weapons and instead focusing on establishing a yearly Purim contest. (Iran, formerly Persia, is the location of the original Purim story.) “Instead of being hit with sanctions and losing revenue from the lack  of oil sales, we will make Tehran the world’s wealthiest city. Girls from all over the world will come to Tehran for the title of the world’s most beautiful girl. Contestants, who will need to be sponsored by their home country, will spend months being pampered and prepped with the world’s best beauty products. Of course, in keeping with our traditions, female contestants will have to be fully clothed with only parts of their faces allowed to be seen. Since true beauty lies on the inside, however, there is no need for  greater exposure.”

On the day of the contest, all contestants will appear before the “King” who will judge their beauty and abilities and pick that year’s World Beauty Queen. The Queen’s responsibilities will include selfies with all World Leaders.

Asked who the “King” would be, Beauty Contest developers said that while no final decision had been made, those in the running included: Prince Charles, Big Sean, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Simon Cowell and Jesse James, all of whom have chosen women other than those they were married to.

Despite thousands of requests from married men, the part of Queen Vashti will not be played by the wife of a married man.

That’s it for now.

HAPPY PURIM TO ALL!

Categories: Israel, Jewish, Jewish Blog, Jewish Holidays, Jewish Humor, Purim, Purim, religion | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thanksgivukkah Aprons By JewTee

Shalom Y’All:

Here are a few  of our Thanksgivukkah aprons:

Thanksgivukkah Apron

Talking Turkey

Eat Latkes Thanksgivukkah  Apron

Enjoy!

Give Thanks Thanksgivukkah Apron

Give Thanks!

These designs are also on t shirts, sweatshirts, jerseys, hoodies, pajamas, hats, mugs, buttons and novelty gifts. To see these and all of JewTee’s other Thanksgivukkah products, click here.

Interested in more traditional Chanukah Hanukkah t shirts, gifts and cards? Click here to see JewTee’s collection.

Remember, all JewTee products come with a 30 day money back satisfaction guarantee.

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Categories: Chanukah Hanukkah Cards, Chanukah Hanukkah T Shirts and Gifts, Jewish, Jewish Baby and Kids T Shirts and Gifts, Jewish Humor, Jewish T Shirts and Gifts, Thanksgivukah Cards, Thanksgivukah Shirts and Gifts, Thanksgivukkah Aprons, Thanksgivukkah Gifts, Thanksgivukkah Shirts, Thanksgivukkah T Shirts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Purim T Shirts and Gifts

Shalom:

Hope everyone had a fun Tu B’Shevat.

Speaking of fun, the next Holiday on the Jewish calendar is Judaism’s most fun filled-the festival of Purim. Purim begins after sunset on February 23 and ends an hour after sunset on February 24. In Jerusalem, it’s also celebrated on February 25.

We know about Purim from the Book of Esther. Tradition calls for the story to be read twice on Purim from a scroll called the Megillah. It is read at the beginning of the Holiday at night and on the following morning.

On Purim we read the story of beautiful young lady named Esther who, about 2300 years ago,  was chosen by the Persian King, Achashverosh, to be his queen. Although Jewish, she did not reveal her heritage to the king.  The king’s top minister, named Haman, hated the Jews particularly because a Jew named Mordechai, (who unbeknownst to Haman) was Esther’s uncle, refused to bow down to him. Haman got  King Achashverosh to agree to a decree that on a particular day all Jews in the Persian empire were to be killed. Mordechai informed Esther of the decree and, through some fortuitous events, Esther gets the King to change the decree.  The Jews are saved, Haman is hung and Mordechai becomes the King’s top advisor.

Purim is celebrated by giving charity to the poor, exchanging food gifts with friends, being joyous and celebrating with a big Holiday meal.

For further information about Purim, click here.

To celebrate this joyous holiday, it is customary for kids, and often adults,  to dress up in costumes. Here’s a link to a short video  of Purim in Israel.

We don’t sell costumes at JewTee.com. However, we do have funny shirts and hats for those who want to wear Purim garb. We also carry Purim themed gifts to bring to the Purim party host or hostess.

Here are a few of the best sellers:

Purim Queen Esther T

A real beauty.

My First Purim

Let’s Party.

Obama Purim Hat

Help close the budget deficit.

Got Hamentashen Mug

Yum, Yum, Yum!

These are but some of the designs and products on which our Purim designs appear. To see our entire Purim collection, click here.

Buy with confidence as all our products come with a 30 day money back guarantee.

Categories: Jewish, Jewish Baby and Kids T Shirts and Gifts, Jewish Humor, Jewish T Shirts and Gifts, Purim T Shirts and Gifts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny Jewish T Shirts and Gifts

Eleven days to Chanukah Hanukkah.

Today we’ll feature some of our best selling funny designs on shirts and gifts. JewTee.com is unique in that its funny designs are neither denigrating to Jews or to Jewish women. All of them are family friendly, yet humorous.

What The Hey

Hey Hey Hey

Happy Challe Days

Eat , Drink and be Merry.

Shalom Y'All English Hebrew

Hey everybody.

Do the Challah Twist

The JewishTwist

100% Kosher

Heavenly food

All these designs are available on different color and style shirts and on hats, aprons, mugs and other novelty gifts.

To see our entire collection of Funny T Shirts and gifts, click here.

Shop with peace of mind as all our products have a 30 day money back satisfaction guarantee.

Categories: Funny Jewish T Shirts and Gifts, Jewish Baby and Kids T Shirts and Gifts, Jewish Humor | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Latke Hanukkah T Shirts and Gifts

Chanukah Hanukkah is just 16 days away.

Today is Thanksgiving and since  a large part of  the Thanksgiving ritual is eating, we’ll feature a Chanukah food-Latkes. We’ll also show you our Hebrew Thanksgiving mug.

Our best selling Latke shirts, aprons, and hats:

Real Men Make Latkes

And they taste great!

Latke Lover

You don’t have to be Latin to Love Latkes

Latke Chef

Mm Mm Good.

Got Latkes

Gimme Gimme

These designs comes in many styles, colors and sizes. All have matching hats. All come with a 30 day money back satisfaction guarantee.

Finally, our Hebrew Thanksgiving design:

Hebrew Happy Thanksgiving

Betayavon! Hearty appetite in Hebrew.

This design is also available on t shirts, hats and aprons.

To see all our Chanukah Hanukkah designs, click here.

To se all JewTee.com designs, click here.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING from JewTee.com!

Categories: Chanukah Hanukkah T Shirts and Gifts, Funny Jewish T Shirts and Gifts, Jewish Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Funny Hanukkah Drinking T Shirts and Gifts

Nineteen more days to Chanukah Hanukkah.

In the next few blog entries, we’ll highlight some our our best sellers.

In honor of the festive nature of Chanukah, this post will feature designs related to alcohol. Drink responsibly!

Funny Hanukkah Lites

A great shirt for Jewish beer drinkers with a sense of humor.

I Got Lit at the Hanukkah Party

Drink L’Chaim to Life.

Like these designs? Buy them on t shirts, sweatshirts, jerseys, hoodies, hats, coasters and other novelty gifts. Remember, all Jewtee products have a 30 day money back guarantee.

Categories: Chanukah Hanukkah T Shirts and Gifts, Funny Jewish T Shirts and Gifts, Jewish Humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Oybama Obama

Are some of your friends and family sorry Obama won the election? Thinking about a funny Chanukah Hanukkah present for them?  Our Oybama t shirts, dog shirts and hats with the blue faux yiddish font are perfect presents. Here’s what one of these shirts looks like:

Oy Vey Obama Won.

This t shirt comes in many styles and colors for both men and women. The design is also available on sweatshirts, hoodies, and hats for males and females. To see them, click here.

Here’s Oybama on a dog hoodie:

Oybama Obama

Oy Oy Oy. Obama won.

This Oybama design is also available on a dog t shirt. Check it out here.

Remember our 30 day money back guarantee.

Incidentally, there are only 30 shopping days left before Chanukah Hanuukah which begins very early this year on December 8.

Categories: Jewish Humor, Political T Shirts and GIfts, Yiddish T Shirts and Gifts | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Leave the Car At Home

In the aftermath of Sandy, many people in the Northeast still do not have electricity or hot water. They are, in fact, unlikely to get service restored until sometime next week. This is a particularly distressing situation as  Shabbat nears.   Taking a cold shower, and eating a cold store bought Shabbat meal in an unheated dark home must be a terrible experience.

A suggestion: If you know people who live in a hard hit area, phone them to see if their electricity has been restored. If not, invite them for Shabbat. It’s a beautiful mitzvah and something you would want if the tables were turned.  It’s part of making the world a better place.

There are also long lines at gas stations, with some drivers waiting as much as 2 1/2 hours. Others finally reach the head of the line at the gas station only to find out that the station has run out of gas. While we can’t solve the problem, we can offer this suggestion:

End the energy crisis.

Leave the car at home.

This shirt comes in various sizes and styles. You can also get this design on hats, mugs and gifts. See them at  JewTee.com.

Categories: Jewish Humor, Jewish T Shirts and Gifts | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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